Watched: November 19, 2012
Summary: Disney Vamps
BDP2 is not nearly as vomit inducing as part 1. Sure, I did my fair share of cringing, but mostly the film brought a smirk to my face.
This is the story of a family of carebear vampires. Sure, they have creepy red eyes, but they get to race through sun dapples forests and jump off 8,000 foot cliffs into the Northwestern surf.
The film manages to do an okay job with some of the story’s odder elements, like the fact that Jacob has a love-crush on an infant. That the infant in question is a hideous CGI doll certainly makes it feel less pedophilic. It’s all watchable if you’ve kept up with the series, and there is certainly more conflict than in part 1. The Volturi are up to no good, hail from Tuscany and don’t seem the least bit Italian, but Michael Sheen plays one of those camp villains you just love to hate.
Just as in the previous four films, the overzealous use of CGI and crazy sped up action lends the film an extremely fake look. Act 2, where the good guys recruit “witnesses” to come to their defense, seemed languid. The whole multicultural array of vamps felt extra silly in a film of silly. Stereo-typed Brazilians join up with stereo-typed Russians join up with stereo-typed Irish and the like, but oh well, this is Twilight.
The film alludes to Edward and Bella’s “out of control” sex life, but provides us with only the chastest of scenes. Not only has the royal couple created some kind of weird halfbreed (even if the 7 year-old version is pretty cute – and I mean harmless-kiddy-cute not Jacob-the-pedophile-cute), but the whole vampire nation has cross bred themselves with the X-men.
Everyone seems to have a power. Pain ray, elemental control, clairvoyance, mysterious smelly black smoke of doom, you name it. Mortals may have some trouble keeping track of the rather vast crew of red eyes and their manifold abilities. It doesn’t matter too much. Eventually, they all form up in two lines on a nice big frozen lake for the final showdown.
But the showdown never happens. Or does it? Actually, the final non-fight was pretty cool. Best action sequence in the series so far. Perhaps the only one that was kinda exciting. Michael Sheen can sneer with the best of them.
All in all a fitting end to the “saga.” It is what it is, but it ain’t really about vampires.[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ti0H-bvMi3I]
And it’s worth checking out this Cracked magazine review of the whole series too.